Aloha! As you are all aware, IT’S SUMMER IN ALASKA! That means everyone is about to fuck off into the wild until first snow (only 10 weeks away!). Since we have been tracking your attendance for years and calculating where you are traveling to (local spikes in beer consumption), the scientistific half-minds that brought you B2 have determined that to maximize summer hashing potential, the next hash will travel to where you’re already going to be!
WHAT: B2 116 – Ninilchik Open Her
WHEN: Saturday 27 May 2017 – Evening after the fishing trip
WHERE: Ninilchik (Directions below)
WHY: Because it’s Memorial Day Weekend and the King Opener is Sunday.
Trail will be A-A, Dog friendly, no strollers. No hash cash.
If you’re going to camp, there’s a $10 fee PER PERSON. If you want to fish Sunday for the opener, get your fishing license and a king stamp. Even if you don’t want to fish, get one so someone else can catch for you. (Nudge nudge wink wink).
If you want to go clamming Saturday, talk to Software or Lost and Found. There’s one spot available right now.
Otherwise bring your bug dope, your fat bike, and a place to sleep for an Alaskan beach blanket bingo party.
DIRECTIONS: Directions to the charter and cabins. Mile 141.3 of the sterling hwy – 3 miles past Deep Creek launch. Rt side of the road or bluff side. Ninilchik, AK. The site is rented for Saturday and Sunday.
Your hare, Grannies and Trannies, Oh My! says:
Trail starts at Hillside parking lot... Usual time. 1pm. Hares are gay 130. Saturday. 5 dollars hash cash. Its the Bear Bottom Bourbon Beer Bratwurst Bikini Barbecue Hash. Bag vehicle provided. bring a bag but not your airport suitcase.(change of shoes recommended). Maybe bear spray… A to a’ BYOC (chair for the barbeque)
WHAT: B2 115
WHEN: Saturday 13 April 2017 1300 HA: 1330
WHERE: Hillside Park off Abbot https://goo.gl/maps/cqDHwLvPX5T2
WHY: Because GTO wants to give every one a free blowjob to celebrate His Cheetoness’ new position as Uncle Vlad’s cockholster.
Huzzah and congratulations to Cock-tistic (née George Emily), our newest member, who was spontaneously named at trail yesterday.
Buy her a beer and ask how she got her name!
What we thought was going to happen
What actually happened
Nuts in the Sun Trail
~Schweddy Balls of Flour
When: 15 April 2017 13:00 – Hare away 13:30
Where: Parking Lot behind Peanut Farm :: Corner of Juneau St. and East 54th Ave.
This trail commemorates the 60th analversary of the great Alaskan peanut farmer, Lee Cole. He arrived in Anchorage on April 15, 1957 with plans for a seaside peanut plantation. After struggling with frozen, snow-covered fields for a year he famously wrote “It’s too damn cold for peanuts! … I’m building a bar” in his quarterly report to investors. By May of 1958 he began building the original 2,000 sq. ft. log building which he named in honor of his failed plantation. Today the Peanut Farm is “20,000 feet of FUN!” Most importantly, it has beer.
On-After: Blue Fox
$ 5 Hashjobs
Trail is dogchild friendly if they’re leashed (lots of traffic).
Bar is not dogchild friendly.
WHO: Schweddy Balls of Flour and Hana Ho
WHAT: B2 112: Food Truck Festival Hash
WHEN: Saturday April 1, 13:00
WHERE: Alaska State Fair Grounds, 2075 Glenn Hwy, Palmer, AK 99645
WHY: Because the hares are going anyway.
Here’s what the hare said about trail: “I understand It’s a yard sale with funnel cake. Maybe you need some furniture? Maybe you need some trail? It’s supposed to be a balmy 40 degrees so dress appropriately. I’m sure everything will work out.”
No this isn’t a joke! Travel hash to Palmer! Kids should be OK, dogs are unknown. As always, hash cash is just $5. And fuck you Jew’d Us, because I know you won’t read this anyway.